Monthly Archive

"Television has brought back murder into the home where it belongs."- Alfred Hitchcock. read more..

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not - Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" read more..

"The Bureau of Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three." read more..

"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out." read more..

"The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ...........…" read more..

"The difference between a computer expert and a novice is that the novice hesitates before doing anything stupid." read more..

"The first myth of management is that it exists." read more..

"The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot - like anyone goes, 'Oh, he's good. I like his work.'"- David Spade read more..

"The human brain is a wonderful thing: it starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public." read more..

"The income tax form has been simplified beyond all understanding." read more..

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."~Dave Barry read more..

"The main problem with mental notes is the ink fades so fast." read more..

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once." read more..

"The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow." read more..

"The obituaries in the newspaper prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that people die in alphabetical order." read more..

"The older I get, the faster I was." read more..

"The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee." read more..

"The only time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it's holding a parking ticket." read more..

"The other day I nearly succumbed to a bout of narcissism: seriously, I just don't know what's come over me, me, me, me." read more..

"The police have stopped my husband so many times for speeding, they decided to just give him a season ticket." read more..

"The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed." read more..

"The sandwich dates back to the time man discovered he could not live bybread alone." read more..

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible."- George Burns read more..

"The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office."~Will Rogers read more..

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."- Calvin and Hobbes - Bill Watterson read more..

"The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money."- David Richerby read more..

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was." read more..

"The trouble with eating at an all-you-can-eat restaurant is that five or six days later you're hungry again." read more..

"The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!" read more..

"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down." read more..