2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #2280

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1351

One-liner #0346

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life but so was yesterday and look how you messed that up." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1328

One-liner #0347

"Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1315

One-liner #0348

"Trouble with grammar have I, yes."- Yoda read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1322

One-liner #0349

"Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1389

One-liner #0350

"Two can live as cheap as one, if one don't eat." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1336

One-liner #0351

"Vacation is a two-week-long experience where money and time race against each other until both are totally exhausted." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1331

One-liner #0352

"Visa is everywhere you want to be except out of debt." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1295

One-liner #0353

"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1384

One-liner #0354

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what can you believe?"- Bullwinkle J. Moose read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1265

One-liner #0355

"We've come so far that community service is considered punishment." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1377

One-liner #0356

"What do you call an accordionist with a beeper? An optimist." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1362

One-liner #0357

"What makes airport security think they can find something in my wife's purse when she can't?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1375

One-liner #0358

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."~Mark Twain read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1403

One-liner #0359

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."~Charlotte Whitton read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1492

One-liner #0360

"What's another word for synonym?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1329

One-liner #0361

"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."~Henny Youngman read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1419

One-liner #0362

"What's the use of having ignorance if you can't show it?"- Lou Costello read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1397

One-liner #0363

"When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1390

"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1327

One-liner #0365

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship."- Dick Gregory read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1287

One-liner #0366

"When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there - serving them drinks." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1352

One-liner #0367

"When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me - according to the letter."- Emo Philips read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1347

One-liner #0368

"When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1411

One-liner #0369

"When the space shuttle finally lands, everybody wear ape suits.... pass it on!" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1342

One-liner #0370

"When will all the rhetorical questions end?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1435

One-liner #0371

"When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1382

One-liner #0372

"When you're over 50 you can still do all the things you did when you were 17 if you don't mind making an idiot of yourself." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1439

One-liner #0373

"Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR" - what's my mother going to do." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1456

One-liner #0374

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not the color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."- Jerry Seinfeld read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1374

One-liner #0375

"Who says nothing is impossible - I've been doing nothing for years." read more..