Monthly Archive

“I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.”... read more..

“I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that, but what really gets me is how they find out what their names are!”... read more..

“I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.”... read more..

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”~Will Rogers... read more..

“I doubt, therefore I might be.”... read more..

“I feel sorry for the guy who has to play the world's smallest violin - everybody just thinks he's being sarcastic.”... read more..

“I hope I live to be as old as my jokes.”... read more..

“I just read that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are merging - it'll be called You-Twit-Face.”... read more..

“I looked at my Christmas tree today and sure enough, I couldn’t see any forests..”... read more..

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”- Bernard Manning... read more..

“I smile because I have no idea what's going on.”... read more..

“I told a girl she drew her eyebrows to high – she looked surprised.”... read more..

“I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.”... read more..

“I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure.”... read more..

“I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.”... read more..

“I’d work out, but I’m still trying to perfect my ‘before’ picture.”... read more..

“I’ve decided to stop beating around the bush; I'm going to move on to the ornamental shrubbery.”... read more..

“I'd gladly participate in any experiment to test the effect of sudden wealth on an individual.”... read more..

“If a line is the shortest distance between two points, why does waiting in line take so long?”... read more..

“If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.”... read more..

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.”... read more..

“If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!”... read more..

“If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?”... read more..

“If necessity is the mother of invention, I bet MacGyver is the father.”... read more..

“If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?”... read more..

“If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.”... read more..

“If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.”... read more..

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”... read more..

“If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say, ’Help, they've turned me into a parrot’, you are wasting everybody's time.”... read more..

“If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.”... read more..