2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #2400

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1387

One-liner #0466

“I’ve decided to stop beating around the bush; I'm going to move on to the ornamental shrubbery.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1313

One-liner #0467

“I'd gladly participate in any experiment to test the effect of sudden wealth on an individual.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1332

One-liner #0468

“If a line is the shortest distance between two points, why does waiting in line take so long?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1363

One-liner #0469

“If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1619

One-liner #0470

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1359

One-liner #0471

“If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1331

One-liner #0472

“If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1563

One-liner #0473

“If necessity is the mother of invention, I bet MacGyver is the father.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1394

One-liner #0474

“If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1449

One-liner #0475

“If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1348

One-liner #0476

“If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1366

One-liner #0477

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1382

One-liner #0478

“If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say, ’Help, they've turned me into a parrot’, you are wasting everybody's time.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1596

One-liner #0479

“If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1416

One-liner #0480

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1304

One-liner #0481

“In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on and this person must be fired.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1364

One-liner #0482

“Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1406

One-liner #0483

“Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1443

One-liner #0484

“It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1310

One-liner #0485

“It must be tough going through life with a short - hey look, there goes a butterfly!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1342

One-liner #0486

“It was once said that if you took all of the people who fell asleep in church and laid them end-to-end they would be more comfortable.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1289

One-liner #0487

“Keyboard not detected - press F1 to continue.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1328

One-liner #0488

“Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1293

One-liner #0489

“Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1269

One-liner #0490

“Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1302

One-liner #0491

“Millions who long for immortality don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1366

One-liner #0492

“My body may be present, but my mind has already teed off.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1355

One-liner #0493

“My doctor asked me if I'd thought about losing some weight and I told him I'd thought about it for 20 years.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1392

One-liner #0494

“My husband says I never listen to him; at least I think that's what he said.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1376

One-liner #0495

“My mind contains many good ideas, but it is not always easy to squeeze one out.”... read more..