Monthly Archive

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.”... read more..

“In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on and this person must be fired.”... read more..

“Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.”... read more..

“Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.”... read more..

“It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.”... read more..

“It must be tough going through life with a short - hey look, there goes a butterfly!”... read more..

“It was once said that if you took all of the people who fell asleep in church and laid them end-to-end they would be more comfortable.”... read more..

“Keyboard not detected - press F1 to continue.”... read more..

“Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.”... read more..

“Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”... read more..

“Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.”... read more..

“Millions who long for immortality don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”... read more..

“My body may be present, but my mind has already teed off.”... read more..

“My doctor asked me if I'd thought about losing some weight and I told him I'd thought about it for 20 years.”... read more..

“My husband says I never listen to him; at least I think that's what he said.”... read more..

“My mind contains many good ideas, but it is not always easy to squeeze one out.”... read more..

“My money says that the guy who wrote "I Believe I Can Fly" has never actually tried it.”... read more..

“My reality check bounced.”... read more..

“My Uncle Mort was a REAL salesman -- he made a living selling wealthy Eskimo's igloos with fire escapes!”... read more..

“Not only am I a master of suspense, but I . . .”... read more..

“Once over the hill, you pick up speed.”... read more..

“One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.”... read more..

“Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.”... read more..

“Parents of teenagers know why animals eat their young.”... read more..

“Pobody is nerfect!”... read more..

“Punctual people have nothing better to do.”... read more..

“Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.”... read more..

“Remember, heck is reserved for those who don't give a dang.”... read more..

“Save time . . . see it my way.”... read more..

“Self-esteem-boosting tip: Whenever you receive mail addressed to "resident," just write a big "P" in front of that to make yourself feel more important.”... read more..