2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #2430

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1406

One-liner #0496

“My money says that the guy who wrote "I Believe I Can Fly" has never actually tried it.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1328

One-liner #0497

“My reality check bounced.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1325

One-liner #0498

“My Uncle Mort was a REAL salesman -- he made a living selling wealthy Eskimo's igloos with fire escapes!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1387

One-liner #0499

“Not only am I a master of suspense, but I . . .”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1301

One-liner #0500

“Once over the hill, you pick up speed.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1407

One-liner #0501

“One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1493

One-liner #0502

“Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1436

One-liner #0503

“Parents of teenagers know why animals eat their young.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1449

One-liner #0504

“Pobody is nerfect!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1359

One-liner #0505

“Punctual people have nothing better to do.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1415

One-liner #0506

“Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1345

One-liner #0507

“Remember, heck is reserved for those who don't give a dang.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1418

One-liner #0508

“Save time . . . see it my way.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1368

One-liner #0509

“Self-esteem-boosting tip: Whenever you receive mail addressed to "resident," just write a big "P" in front of that to make yourself feel more important.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1365

One-liner #0510

“She had her face lifted, but it turned out there was one just like it underneath.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1358

One-liner #0511

“Sleep is just an escape for those who cannot handle the hallucinations of insomnia.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1307

One-liner #0512

“Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true - some smaller countries are neutral.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1348

One-liner #0513

“Stay clear of those folks, Martha; if they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1393

One-liner #0514

“Studying economics may not give you the answers to serious economic problems, but at least you'll learn to avoid being deceived by economists.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1424

One-liner #0515

“Sure, it's the thought that counts, but couldn't people think a little bigger?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1435

One-liner #0516

“Teamwork means not having to shoulder all the blame yourself.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1406

One-liner #0517

“The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1379

One-liner #0518

“The difference between chickens and turkeys is that chicken’s celebrate Thanksgiving!!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1334

One-liner #0519

“The difference between God and a fighter pilot is that God doesn't think He's a fighter pilot.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1346

One-liner #0520

“The early bird still has to eat worms.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1368

One-liner #0521

“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1336

One-liner #0522

“The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1338

One-liner #0523

“The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.”- Mark Twain (1835-1910)... read more..