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2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
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Search
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1362
One-liner #0526
“The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says the glass is half empty, and the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1405
One-liner #0527
“The reason they called golf "golf" was all the other 4-letter words were taken.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1386
One-liner #0528
“The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1350
One-liner #0529
“There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1299
One-liner #0530
“Three things cause severe memory loss: a blow to the head, old age, and testifying before a congressional hearing.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1312
One-liner #0531
“Time is fun when you're having flies.”~ Kermit the Frog
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1368
One-liner #0532
“To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1385
One-liner #0533
“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1382
One-liner #0534
“To the people who leave their carts in the check-out line while running to get an item they forgot: It's me who puts the extra items in there.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1300
One-liner #0535
“We're all in this alone.”- Lily Tomlin
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1657
One-liner #0536
“When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1399
One-liner #0537
“When I can't be kind, I try to have the decency to be vague.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1345
One-liner #0538
“When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”~ Henny Youngman
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1358
One-liner #0539
“Whenever I hear Pavlov's name, it rings a bell.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1347
One-liner #0540
“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1351
One-liner #0541
“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1333
One-liner #0542
“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1319
One-liner #0543
“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1393
One-liner #0544
“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1448
One-liner #0545
“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1405
One-liner #0546
“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1366
One-liner #0547
“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1381
One-liner #0548
“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1398
One-liner #0549
“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1426
One-liner #0550
“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1360
One-liner #0551
“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1424
One-liner #0552
“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1409
One-liner #0553
“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1415
One-liner #0554
A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1355
One-liner #0555
A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted....how can they know that?
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