Monthly Archive

2011

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 3478 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1362

One-liner #0526

“The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says the glass is half empty, and the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1405

One-liner #0527

“The reason they called golf "golf" was all the other 4-letter words were taken.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1386

One-liner #0528

“The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1350

One-liner #0529

“There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1299

One-liner #0530

“Three things cause severe memory loss: a blow to the head, old age, and testifying before a congressional hearing.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1312

One-liner #0531

“Time is fun when you're having flies.”~ Kermit the Frog... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1368

One-liner #0532

“To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1385

One-liner #0533

“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1382

One-liner #0534

“To the people who leave their carts in the check-out line while running to get an item they forgot: It's me who puts the extra items in there.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1300

One-liner #0535

“We're all in this alone.”- Lily Tomlin... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1657

One-liner #0536

“When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1399

One-liner #0537

“When I can't be kind, I try to have the decency to be vague.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1345

One-liner #0538

“When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”~ Henny Youngman... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1358

One-liner #0539

“Whenever I hear Pavlov's name, it rings a bell.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1347

One-liner #0540

“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1351

One-liner #0541

“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1333

One-liner #0542

“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1319

One-liner #0543

“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1393

One-liner #0544

“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1448

One-liner #0545

“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1405

One-liner #0546

“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1366

One-liner #0547

“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1381

One-liner #0548

“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1398

One-liner #0549

“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1426

One-liner #0550

“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1360

One-liner #0551

“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1424

One-liner #0552

“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1409

One-liner #0553

“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1415

One-liner #0554

A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1355

One-liner #0555

A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted....how can they know that?... read more..