Monthly Archive

“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?”... read more..

“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”... read more..

“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”... read more..

“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”... read more..

“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”... read more..

“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”... read more..

“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”... read more..

“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”... read more..

“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”... read more..

“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”... read more..

“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”... read more..

“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”... read more..

“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."... read more..

“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”... read more..

A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.... read more..

A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted....how can they know that?... read more..

A new medical study says that meat can almost be as bad for you as smoking - in fact, it's almost as bad as second-hand meat.... read more..

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.... read more..

A sign in the window: "Any faulty merchandise will be cheerfully replaced with merchandise of equal quality."... read more..

A watched clock never boils.... read more..

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.- Buddy Hackett... read more..

At pilot's training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."... read more..

Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.... read more..

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!... read more..

Beware of buying anything when the manuals are bigger than the equipment.... read more..

Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying and he said, "Canned goods and ammunition."... read more..

Calories are delicious.... read more..

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?... read more..

Cats are smarter than dogs - you can't get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.... read more..

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.... read more..