Monthly Archive

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.... read more..

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" but just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"... read more..

I married Miss Right - I just didn't know her first name was Always.... read more..

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.(Greg Norman)... read more..

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction - I get to the end and say, "Well, that's not going to happen."... read more..

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.- Marcus Brigstocke... read more..

I think Bill Gates is so rich because he got his wish when he said, "I wish I had a nickel for every time this PC rebooted!"- Chris Caswell... read more..

I tried doing stand-up once but everyone just laughed at me.- Ziggy... read more..

I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasparov - our table had a check tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass me the salt.... read more..

I went through hypnosis to lose weight . . . how much does $120 weigh?... read more..

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.... read more..

I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!... read more..

If Alexander Graham Bell had a teenage daughter, he never would have invented the telephone.... read more..

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!... read more..

If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.... read more..

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.- Jack Lemmon... read more..

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire - they're trained for that.- Milton Jones... read more..

I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.... read more..

In high school, I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun - that may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.- Rita Rudner... read more..

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?... read more..

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.... read more..

It's not so much about "Why this?" as "What's next?"... read more..

Just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.... read more..

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, 'Where on earth is the ceiling?!'... read more..

Middle age is when you burn the midnight oil around 9 PM.... read more..

Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver.(Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman)... read more..

Municipal golf course sign: "Please don't find lost balls until they stop rolling."... read more..

My daughter asked me one time, "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?"... read more..

My dog treats me like family - the cats treat me like staff.-- Ed Hector... read more..

My grandfather is hard of hearing, he needs to read lips - I don't mind him reading lips, but he uses those yellow high-lighters.- Brian Kiley... read more..