2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #2580

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1482

One-liner #0646

The first line of the notice said, "Please Take Notice," so I took it.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1437

One-liner #0647

The meeting of the clairvoyant society has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1617

One-liner #0648

The proper response to Good morning, is not Prove it!... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1493

One-liner #0649

The real reason Grandparents and Grandkids get along with each other so well is that they both have a common nemesis.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1552

One-liner #0650

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1537

One-liner #0651

The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time.- Willie Tyler... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1550

One-liner #0652

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1551

One-liner #0653

The trouble with life is there's no background music.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1532

One-liner #0654

The word "aerobics" was invented when the gym instructors got together and said: "If we're going to charge $20 an hour, we can't call it Jumping Up and Down."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1545

One-liner #0655

The words "Do It Yourself" or "Self-Help" are really code for "The Way Chuck Norris Does It."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1587

One-liner #0656

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1640

One-liner #0657

There are two secrets for success:1. Don't reveal all your secrets... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1607

One-liner #0658

There was once a movie entitled, How to Irritate People. It is obviously the employee training film at my local bank.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1550

One-liner #0659

There's a sign above the scale in my doctor's office that says, "Pretend it's your IQ."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1584

One-liner #0660

This is precisely the sort of thing that people who like this sort of thing will like.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1696

One-liner #0661

To lead the orchestra, you must turn your back on the crowd.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1645

One-liner #0662

Two things hard on the heart: running up stairs and running down people.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1598

One-liner #0663

Vegetarian. That's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.'- Andy Rooney... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1592

One-liner #0664

Want Ad: Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks "frog."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1591

One-liner #0665

We're looking for interested folks who would like to join 'Time Travelers for a Better Yesterday' last week.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1724

One-liner #0666

What a hotel! The towels were so fluffy I could hardly close my suitcase. - Henny Youngman... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1575

One-liner #0667

What makes airport security think they can find something in my wife's purse when she can't?... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1605

One-liner #0668

When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1625

One-liner #0669

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive . . . so I took her to a gas station.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1524

When I was a child and got dirty, my mother would spit on a handkerchief and use it to clean the dirt off - I guess in her mind, muddy and disgusting was better than just muddy.- David Sigmon... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1575

One-liner #0671

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me and I said, "What do you need?"... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1592

One-liner #0672

When repairmen say they'll "Come sometime next week," I usually say, "Fine, I'll pay you sometime next year."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1719

One-liner #0673

When Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California, movie mogul Jack Warner said, "It's our fault. We should have given him better parts."... read more..