2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #2610

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1674

One-liner #0676

Why should I learn algebra? I have no intention of ever going there.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1589

One-liner #0677

Wife to husband: "This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts...like ties and fur coats."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1672

One-liner #0678

Would the person who lost a fat roll of hundred dollar bills, wrapped in a rubber band, please report to the Lost & Found Department - we found your rubber band.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1710

One-liner #0679

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1713

One-liner #0680

You always hear people using the phrase working like a dog but when's the last time you saw a dog doing any work?... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1715

One-liner #0681

You know it's going to be a bad day when YOUR picture is on the milk carton.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1838

You know you're a bona fide Catholic, Lutheran or Episcopalian, when you're watching Star Wars, and when you hear May the Force be with you you have an overwhelming urge to respond and also with you.... read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1286

Quote #0820

"A blind boy paid his way to a master's degree at Northwestern University by taking notes on class lectures in Braille, typing them, and selling copies to classmates who had stronger eyes but weaker a read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1268

Quote #0821

"A church member waiting to be asked to serve in his own church is just like the member of a family waiting to be invited to pull weeds in front of the house where he lives." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1200

Quote #0822

"A free lunch is only found in mousetraps."~John Capozzi read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1142

Quote #0823

"A giving church is a living church." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1289

Quote #0825

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1319

Quote #0826

"A member of my staff asked me when I was going to retire. I said, 'When I can no longer hear the sound of laughter.' He said, 'That never stopped you before.'"- Bob Hope read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1316

Quote #0827

"A mind in the gutter is a life down the drain." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1318

Quote #0828

"A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1234

Quote #0829

"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1318

Quote #0830

"A procrastinator's work is never done." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1214

Quote #0831

"A skeptic sees the handwriting on the wall but claims it's a forgery" read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1264

Quote #0832

"Ain't no horse can't be rode; ain't no cowboy can't be throwed." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1350

Quote #0833

"All generalizations are false." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1214

Quote #0834

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh."- W. H. Auden, 1907-1973, English-born American poet read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1211

Quote #0835

"An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason."- C. S. Lewis read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1179

Quote #0836

"An idea that is clear and precise even though false will always have greater power in the world than an idea that is true but complex."- Alexis de Tocqueville read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1282

Quote #0837

"An optimist is the human personification of spring."- Susan J. Bissonette read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1264

Quote #0838

"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it."- E.B. White read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1216

Quote #0839

"Background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1248

Quote #0840

"Bad thoughts are like germs. Build up your immunity!" read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1188

Quote #0841

"Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it."- C. S. Lewis read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1166

Quote #0842

"Christmas is the time when many people get Santamental." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1233

Quote #0843

"Common sense isn't." read more..