2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #2940

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1460

Educational Values

This teacher went into her classroom about fifteen minutes before the class was supposed to begin and caught a bunch of boys in a huddle on their knees in the corner of the room. She demanded of them ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1469

Accuracy Excuse

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about seven years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1557

Honesty in Business

There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took th... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1506

Maturing

There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks."I've just figured out how to tie my shoes.""Well, honey, that's wonderfu... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1530

Prayer, School, Exams

The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized h... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1483

Children and Television

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Car... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

2141

Marriage, Divorce, Triumph

The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of stupidity.... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1591

The "Forwarder's" 12 Step Program

Sometimes friends have to tell you things you might not like to hear, but need to. If you are one of those people who like to forward every e-mail you get, please repeat the following ... 1) I will N... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1446

Overeating, Self-Control, Holidays

Scientists have discovered an incredible fact: If an article of clothing is allowed to hang uninterrupted in a closet throughout just one holiday season, it will shrink at least two sizes.... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1519

Rumors

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1506

Teamwork

My wife works in the fuels squadron at an Air Force base, and many of her co-workers complain about the superior attitude of the pilots.One day the fuel crew decided to put things in perspective for t... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1374

Fashion Sense

My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started." Weeks later, as the sty... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1511

Confession

My best lesson in child psychology came when I saw our five-year-old, Steven, roughly jerking our toy poodle's leash. Suddenly his fuming father appeared and asked, "Do you want to tell me how sorry y... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1531

Reward

Morris was invited to a party but unfortunately, during the evening, he lost his wallet.Morris, not being of the shy kind, stood on a chair and shouted, "Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I've just lost... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1574

Luke 3:11, Charity, Sharing, The Poor

Irv and Sol, are walking down the street when Sol turns to Irv and says, "Irv, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of tha... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1392

The High Street of Life

Imagine yourself walking along The High street of life and each of the shop fronts has something to entice you in: The Materialism shop offers you all the creature comforts you could ever want, but t... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1455

Stress

I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I re... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1368

Prepared For Eternity

I was at the drug store to pick up my prescription. The line wasn't clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me. It was unclear as to who was next.When we got to the front of the ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1498

Advertising

I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller-- guaranteed to work."I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1511

I Asked God mx22

I asked God to take away my habit.God said, "No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up."I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.God said, "No. His spirit is whole, his body... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1511

Foot in Mouth Disease

Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked."More than that," I laughed, "My i... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1582

Time, Marriage, Friends, Gifts

Happy New Year everyone! It is my sincere hope and prayer that you have a peace filled and blessed 2004.Here is today's Illustration.Five years after my wife, Bridgid, and I were married, we received... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1313

Luke 20:1-19

From the Scottish Daily Record 2-Dec-01.Some bus fare dodgers in the UK who, thinking they were getting away with avoiding bus fares by using substitute coins in the fare machine, were giving away a t... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1431

Dad Question

Four-year-old Little Johnny asked, "Mummy, where do babies come from? "The stork, dear." replied Johnny's Mom. "Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?" Asked Little Johnny. Johnny's mo... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1303

Logic

Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag. The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1517

Punishment

Even though I'm well into my 30's I still stop by my parents house to mow their lawn. One afternoon the young kid next door was cutting his grass at the same time."It's punishment for skipping a day o... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1393

Goals, Exercise

During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future.One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1596

SIDNK

During the Air Force Academy's basic cadet training, the new cadets, known as doolies, go through a ten-day encampment outdoors. Prior to being served in the chow tent, they are required to do pullups... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1414

Police Dog Obedience

During a temporary shutdown of operations at a large plant, trained police dogs were hired to protect the building from vandalism. A company executive who was unaware of the new regime arrived at the ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1517

Marriage Reason

During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get div... read more..