2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #2970

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1512

E-Parenting

Debbie wasn't home, and it was getting awfully late. Not knowing any of her girlfriend's phone numbers, her Mother fired-up Debbie's computer and saw a list of email addresses. She sent a note to each... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1518

The Chaos

Dearest creature in creation,Study English pronunciation.I will teach you in my verseSounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.I will keep you, Suzy, busy,Make your head with heat grow dizzy.Tear in... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1515

Motherhood, Proverbs 31

Dear Santa, I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money... read more..

Hope, Anticipation, False Religion, Missing a Bus

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1533

Hope, Anticipation, False Religion, Missing a Bus

City officials in Mesa, Arizona, have mistakenly installed two bus shelters where no buses run. The installation cost $19,000 at a time when the city is cutting its public transit budget to save mone... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1536

Illustration

Bob Hope once received an award and graciously gave full credit to his four writers for making it possible.The next to receive the award was Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. He stepped to the mike and with a g... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1478

Planning

Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance plan, I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected, the form was very thorough, leaving nothing to chance.One question asked, "Do you think... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1571

Barbecuing: Manly Cooking

Barbecuing - It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do.When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:(1) The woman goes to the store.(2) The woman... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1492

IRS Complaint

At the Internal Revenue Service where I used to work, no officer was immune from letters of complaint written by disgruntled taxpayers. One time an irate farmer wrote to my supervisor: "Please tell O... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1539

Marriage Teachings

At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration."Tell us, Tom, just what is it you hav... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1466

Childlike Observations

After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who firs... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1514

Signs From God, Diets

After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to town to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of my favorite goodies.I ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1429

Divorce and Bitterness

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client, "Jill, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.""Fair ... read more..

Housewives, Hard Work, Help, Disappointment

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1411

Housewives, Hard Work, Help, Disappointment

A worried Mrs. Melnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear."How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?""Oh, mother," s... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1300

Deceptions, Evil

A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying, "Granddaught... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1424

Helping the Lost

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1346

The Gift of Children

A tired mom opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what yo... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1453

Giftedness, Encouragement

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always seem to lose control at the s... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1594

Lust, Sin, Perception

A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis.A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!"The Priest replied, ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1530

Mistakes, Repentence, Direction

A police officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1683

Offering and Sacrifice

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make an offering"Great idea!... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1527

Sin

A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and h... read more..

Long Weekends, Salvation, Today is the Day

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1443

Long Weekends, Salvation, Today is the Day

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Fin... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1471

Education, Motivation

A mathematics teacher came into the faculty room after she'd been watching a basketball game. Her face was glowing. "I've got the greatest idea for teaching!" she exclaimed."What do you mean? What'... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1537

God's Existence, Suffering

A man went to a barber shop to have his hair cut as always. He started to have a good conversation with the barber who was cutting his hair. They talked about so many things and various subjects. S... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1518

Evidence

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch tho... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1557

Twins

A friend and I were shopping for dresses for her three-year-old girls to wear to a wedding. In the store, another girl staring intently at Sarah and Becky asked, "Are those girls twins?""Actually they... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1525

Do You Think I'll Find…?

A four-year-old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a to... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1559

Slow Down Therapy - Part 3

26. Take a day off alone; make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one. 27. Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now. 28. Work with your hands. It frees t... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1468

Guide To Work Responses

1) If it rings, put it on hold. 2) If it clanks, call the repairman. 3) If it whistles, ignore it. 4) If it's a friend, take a break. 5) If it's the boss, look busy. 6) If it talks, take notes. read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1607

Top Ten Employee Rules

1) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 2) If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. 3) Experience is something you don't get until just after read more..