May 2017 - Monthly Archive

30 May

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3155

Cooking Pun

A rare delicacy indeed is sautéed sloth. Using the middle toe of the great Australian three-toed sloth, the only edible part of the creature, the careful chef de-bones it, pounds it as with veal, and... read more..

30 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4439

Mike's Girlfriend

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked confused. "Umm, he's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell hi... read more..

30 May

Quotes

Susan Davis

1926

Quote #1641

It's a little hard for the world to hear the church preach "love your enemies" when we can't even love our own brothers and sisters just a little different from us. – Leonard Sweet read more..

30 May

One-liners

Susan Davis

1428

One-liner #1194

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." - Sue Murphy read more..

30 May

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

483

Self-Consciousness at the Gym

I was self-conscious about going to the gym, because I thought the pounds I had put on would make me stand out among the spandex-clad regulars. I chose a treadmill in the corner so I'd be inconspicuou... read more..

29 May

Funny Car Pictures

Pastor Tim

8830

Corporate Ladder

Ben was sure this was the corporate retreat he'd earn his promotion at. ... read more..

29 May

Pearly Gates Jokes

Pastor Tim

3419

Lotto Trouble

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to do something he rarely does: ask God for help. He ... read more..

28 May

Cybersalt News

Pastor Tim

929

Cybersalt News - May 28, 2017

Sunday greetings everyone. There is a new James Snyder devotional on the Cybersalt site today. James' wife's noticing of all the fashion crimes at the mall has him looking inside himself. You can rea... read more..

28 May

Sermons

Pastor Tim

912

Protecting God's Holy Ones

Moses' parents are examples of faith to us because they protected God's chosen servant. Listen Online: {audio}podcast/sm20170528.mp3{/audio} read more..

27 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2214

2 Requests

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" ... read more..

27 May

One-liners

Susan Davis

1373

One-liner #1193

"I'm an expert on Chinese food; when I eat it I only use one chopstick." - George Burns read more..

27 May

Quotes

Susan Davis

2173

Quote #1640

"A preacher should have the mind of a scholar, the heart of a child, and the hide of a rhinoceros. Our biggest problem is how to toughen our hides without hardening our hearts." - Vance Havner read more..

27 May

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

1720

A Mystery Of Murderous Distortions

I do not want to alarm anyone – I’m not wound that tight – but there is a devious conspiracy in our country. A cabal of murderous distortions. To be quite honest about all this, I was not the first t... read more..

27 May

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2494

Book Page Problem

A surgeon goes to return some books he borrowed from the library... The librarian quips after checking the books... "Sir your books are always returned with the last page missing in every single book... read more..

27 May

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1957

Our Shepherd

A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible: Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited ... read more..

25 May

Cybersalt News

Pastor Tim

885

Cybersalt News - May 25, 2017

Oh look, Chicken Thursday! It has been a while since there have been any new additions to the FunBlog, so today is as good a day as any. If you like Lego, Porsches or crash tests you'll be sure to e read more..

24 May

Pearly Gates Jokes

Pastor Tim

3867

Samurai Showdown

Back in the time when the Samurai were important, there was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai, so he sent a declaration throughout the land that he was searching for the very best. A ... read more..

24 May

One-liners

Susan Davis

1333

One-liner #1192

I'm as good at making similes as someone who is really good at making similes.... read more..

24 May

Quotes

Susan Davis

1757

Quote #1639

"Experience is a difficult teacher because she gives the test first and then the lesson afterwards." - Vernon Law read more..

24 May

FunBlog

Pastor Tim

9603

Lego Porsche Crash Test

If you like Lego, Porsches, or crash tests you will enjoy this video. If you like Lego, Porsches, *and* crash tests you better sit down before watching this video! ... read more..

22 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3808

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes. 2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over read more..

22 May

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

20775

Bridge Pun

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The bridge's t... read more..

22 May

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

2273

Integrity

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. "Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I wo... read more..

21 May

Cybersalt News

Pastor Tim

934

Cybersalt News - May 21, 2017

Sunday greetings everyone. The Westside Bible Church site has been updated with my messages from the last two weeks - including Mother's Day. Motherhood Gone Awrywww.westsidefamily.org/messages/moth... read more..

21 May

Sermons

Pastor Tim

992

Beyond Our Control

Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph are examples of faith to us because they trusted God with things beyond their control. Listen Online: {audio}podcast/sm20170521.mp3{/audio} read more..

Where Do You Look When She’s Lost Her Voice?

20 May

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

1690

Where Do You Look When She’s Lost Her Voice?

It has been a quiet week at the parsonage. Far quieter than usual. I cannot remember a time when it was quieter. If silence is golden, the week glowed with a yellow brilliance. Have you ever noticed ... read more..

20 May

One-liners

Susan Davis

1352

One-liner #1191

I wonder how long it will take this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him?... read more..

20 May

Quotes

Susan Davis

2242

Quote #1638

"The secret to contentment is Christ in me, not a different set of circumstances." - Elisabeth Elliot read more..

20 May

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6409

Surgery Pun

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you'r... read more..

20 May

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

2044

The King's Highway

Once a king had a great highway built for the members of his kingdom. After it was completed, but before it was opened to the public, the king decided to have a contest. He invited as many as desired ... read more..