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July 2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
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29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1997
Prison Cupboards
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates.The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden m
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2176
Prison Library Books
THE GANGSTERS by Robin SteeleMY LIFE IN CRIME by Upton O. GoodeBAD MONEY by Count R. FitzYOU ALWAYS GET CAUGHT by Sue Nora Later
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1841
Prison Quartet
While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
3157
Promise
“Vowing to avoid poison ivy is making a rash promise.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
5016
Proper Attire
Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria." Next to it, a student add
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2033
Pullover Question
Atlanta State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75.He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"The driver says, "Bout what?"
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
5056
Pumping Pun
There was a man at a gas station, pumping gas into his truck. While pumping he got gas on his arm. He wiped some of it off, then forgot about it. He paid for his gas and got in the truck.As he was
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2282
Pumpkin Math
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of your pumpkin by its diameter?A: Pumpkin Pi
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1820
Pun Pun 1
A good pun is its own reword.
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2663
Pun Pun 2
The Head of The Church of Humor is the Puntiff.
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1787
Punishment
An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"To which a small voice from the back of the room responded "The small investor
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1958
Pup Pun
A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday.An hour later, while wandering through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen floor. "
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2678
Putting
A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor."'Putt' is correct," he replied."'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' mean
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1908
Quarter Horse
One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?"As I thought of a simple explan
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
3685
Quarter Pun 1
The British threatened to draw and quarter George Washington if they caught him.Isn't it ironic that Americans drew him on a quarter?
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2590
Quartet Pun 2
While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
6624
Quilt Pun
Sunday after church a mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the mom was perplexed. Later in the
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
3914
Rabbi Pun
Once upon a time there was a village up in the mountains and in this village lived the Tibet Refugees Isolated from Danger, or TRIDs. Now, the TRIDs of this village had a problem. There was a giant
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
3033
Racetrack
A racetrack is a place where the windows clean the people.
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1799
Radio City Music Hall
“There probably aren't many Jewish girls dancing at Radio City Music Hall, but it doesn't take a Rockette Zionist to figure that one out.“~ Gary Hallock
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
4685
Rain Pun
Late one evening, while sitting and looking out their kitchen window somewhere in northern Russia, Rudolf and his wife Tanya were observing the inclement weather."This rain is going to make a mess out
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2127
Raise
Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?"The boss answered, "As soon as you do."
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1830
Raise Request
"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me.""Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?""The electric company, the telepho
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2746
Raisin Bran Crime
Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there. "What happened?" asks the first officer. "Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2420
Rancher Pun
A rancher let his cows roam anywhere they wished. He lets the chips fall where they may.
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
15287
RaPUNzel
Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen:I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM.When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a tower.I was STRANDed and w
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1876
Rat Presentation
Rodents had overrun a posh private school near New York City. So the headmaster asked a health inspector to deliver a slide presentation to teachers and students, showing how to remedy the situation,
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2249
Realization Pun
A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plane in Mississippi.Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I b
...
read more..
29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2024
Recession
I'm writing a book about the recession. It starts with Chapter 11.
...
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29 Jul
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1817
Recipe
A new young bride calls her mother in tears.She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him.""Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.""No, mother, you do
...
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