Heard by the computer help desk:

A customer couldn't get on the Internet:

Helpdesk: "Are you sure you used the right password?"

Customer: "Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it."

Helpdesk: "Can you tell me what the password was?"

Customer: "Five stars."

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Helpdesk: "What kind of computer do you have?"

Customer: "A white one."

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Customer: "Hi, this is Rose. I can't get my diskette out."

Helpdesk: "Have you tried pushing the button?"

Customer: "Yes, sure, it's really stuck."

Helpdesk: "That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note."

Customer: "No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry..."

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Helpdesk: "Click on the 'My Computer' icon on to the left of the screen."

Customer: "Your left or my left?"

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Helpdesk: "Good day. How may I help you?"

Male customer: "Hello, I can't print."

Helpdesk: "Would you click on start for me and..."

Customer: "Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, you know!"

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Customer: "Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says, 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it."

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Customer: "I have problems printing in red."

Helpdesk: "Do you have a color printer?"

Customer: "Aaaah... Thank you."

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Customer: "My keyboard is not working anymore."

Helpdesk: "Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?"

Customer: "No. I can't get behind the computer."

Helpdesk: "Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back."

Customer: "Okay."

Helpdesk: "Did the keyboard come with you?"

Customer: "Yes."

Helpdesk: "That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?"

Customer: "Yes, there's another one here. Ahh, that one works!"

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Helpdesk: "Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'."

Customer: "Is that '7' in capital letters?"

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Helpdesk: "What anti-virus program do you use?"

Customer: "Netscape."

Helpdesk: "That's not an anti-virus program."

Customer: "Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer."

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Customer: "I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!"

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Helpdesk: "How may I help you?"

Customer: "I'm writing my first e-mail."

Helpdesk: "Okay, and what seems to be the problem?"

Customer: "Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?"