1.  One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

2.  One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

3.  Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

4.  The older you get, the better you realize you were.

5.  I doubt, therefore I might be.

6.  Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

7.  Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

8.  Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

9.  Men are from earth.  Women are from earth.  Deal with it.

10.  A fool and his money are soon partying.

11.  Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

12.  Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

13.  If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown also?

14.  If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

15.  If you ate pasta and then antipasta, would you still be hungry?

16.  If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

17.  Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?