Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered:

• I STARTED out with nothing....I still have most of it.
• When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
• All reports are in.  Life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through..
• It was all so different before everything changed.
• Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few...
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• It's not hard to meet expenses...  they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.