Old world charm ............. No bath

Tropical .................... Rainy

Majestic setting ............ A long way from town

Options galore .............. Nothing is included in the itinerary

Secluded hideaway ........... Impossible to find or get to

Pre-registered rooms ........ Already occupied

Explore on your own ......... Pay for it yourself

Knowledgeable trip hosts .... They've flown in an airplane before

No extra fees ............... No extras

Nominal fee ................. Outrageous charge

Standard .................... Sub-standard

Deluxe ...................... Standard

Superior .................... One free shower cap

Cozy ........................ Small

All the amenities ........... Two free shower caps

Plush ....................... Top and bottom sheets

Gentle breezes .............. Occasional Gale-force winds

Light and airy .............. No air conditioning

Picturesque ................. Theme park nearby

Concierge ................... Stand with tourist brochures

Continental breakfast ....... Free muffin