Instructions for Microsoft's TV Dinner:

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept Microsoft rights to the TV dinner. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner as outlined in the TV Dinner Piracy section of the user agreement. You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using the command line:

\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@@50%heat// Then enter:

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner, the weight of the dinner, the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter:

ms.no.good/tryagain\again/again.crap.

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items.

If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment. Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken XP variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken XP is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue support for all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after Chicken XP. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

No other company is allowed to create items to be used with Microsoft dinners without first partnering with Microsoft. This is solely to protect the consumer and is not intended to impede progress and creativity in the dinner industry. This includes, but is not limited to dessert.

You may not play a game or use an application while you eat your Microsoft dinner unless that game or application was designed by a Microsoft partner and is certified by Microsoft to be %100 compatible with your Microsoft dinner.

You are only leasing your Microsoft dinner, you agree to not "reverse engineer" your Microsoft dinner or send it out of the country. You may store one backup Microsoft dinner for personal use.