- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
- Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
- One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
- It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
- If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
- I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
- Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
- Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
- Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
- Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
- Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
- If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
- You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
- I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
- Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
- It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
- Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
- The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
- Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
- Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
- Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards?
- Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
- Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?