Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore.  They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore.  He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy.  You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot.  You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore.  It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful.  It's "digestively challenged."

No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy.  He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class.  You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office.  You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."