Side Effects of a Life in Comedy

* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller" routine is bombing, you realize you're doing a radio show.

* Your social status is one small notch above mimes and rodeo clowns.

* People are always asking, "Ooh, do you know Adam Sandler?"

* Wisenheimer's Syndrome.

* You laugh on the outside, but inside you harbor a bitter resentment toward people who have enough money for food.

* Instead of crow's feet, you get punchlines.

* You have to start the day with a couple of quick knock-knock jokes to get rid of "the shakes."

* The grandkids keep breaking your dentures trying to wind them up.

* Mom was right: your face *does* freeze that way, after a couple of decades.

* Everything tastes funny.