The Company Car...

1. It accelerates at a phenomenal rate.

2. It has a much shorter braking distance than the private car.

3. It can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars.

4. The battery , radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked.

5. The floor is cunningly designed to double as an ashtray.

6. It does not need to be kept under shelter at night.

7. It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing.

8. It needs cleaning less often than private cars.

9. The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material.

10. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio.

11. It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.

12. It is the only type of car able to leave the road in game reserves and chase after animals in the bush for a closer look.

13. It is especially sand and waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote beaches.