You Know You Have A Bad Computer When . . .

10. The lower corner of screen has the words "etch a sketch" on it.

9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.

8. You have to pedal it.

7. The manual contains one sentence: "good luck!"

6. The only chip inside is a Dorito.

5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.

4. You catch a virus from it.

3. Screen frequently freezes and message comes up: "Ain't it break time, Chester?"

2. While running, it emits deafening calliope music.

1. It cyber-snickers at you.