You know you're getting there when...

• Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
• You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
• Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
• Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
• Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
• You look forward to a dull evening.
• Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
• You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
• You and your teeth don't sleep together.
• Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
• At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
• Your back goes out but you stay home.
• When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
• It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
• When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
• When happy hour is a nap.
• When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
• When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
• When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
• When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
• Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
• Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
• You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
• The pharmacist has become your new best friend.