Entertainment
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At a church luncheon, he was telling the guests about this home country, his family, and the important work being supported there. As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children."
After a pause, he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable."
Puzzled glances in the audience prompted him to try to clarify by saying: "What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable."
Observing the laughter in the audience, he realized his mistake, but floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language by correcting triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable!"
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The teams competing in a basketball game always skip the half-time show. Many of the fans skip it as well.
Here's a case where the people performing the half-time show skipped it too - to the crowd's delight!
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Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspapers came through the gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.
"I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away." The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him. The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard's checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing.
Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to the supervisor. He walked into the supervisor's office and before he could say a word, the boss said, "You're fired!"
"Fired?" he asked in total surprise. "Why? What did I do?"
"It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant and you have failed. So you're fired."
"Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard."
"Oh, really," the boss answered. "Then how do you account for the fact that there are 365 wheelbarrows missing?"
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Noticing my surprise, coach Carlier said, "That record will stand forever."
I was about to make some modest disclaimer that records exist to be broken, when he added, "We stopped holding that event years ago."
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My son's concern grew to alarm when the menacing-looking driver pulled next to him at a light, leaned out his window, and glared into his car.
After a long, hard stare, the man grinned and called to my son, "Sorry, kid, I thought that was my daughter."
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