Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
(This note, from me, was written to the PearlyGates Newsletter subscribers in 2002. My mother is now 84.)
Dear PearlyGates subscribers. To get the gist of today’s PearlyGates item (sent to this clean but theologically incorrect joke list for obvious reasons) I need to give you a bit of background behind it. This is an e-mail that I received from my mom on Monday.
Before I was born, my mom was one of the first police women in Toronto - only two other jurisdictions in the world had police woman at the time. For a number of years she was a single mom – waitressing at a bar at night so my sister and I could eat pork chops at dinner while she got by on grilled cheese sandwiches. Today she works at the Ontario Provincial Police Headquarters (ViCLAS division) doing data entry of investigating officer’s report booklets containing details of murders and sexual assaults. I’m telling you all of this because as you read the e-mail below you need to read it as from a woman with a lot of street smarts. She is also a woman with a life background that leaves her very little patience with people who have a lot of “street” but very little “smarts”. BTW, she is 62 and a half years old and a big Buffalo Bills fan.
Anyway, here is the e-mail my mom sent me. It cracked me up pretty good and so I wanted to share it with you all so you can enjoy my mom along with me.
Read more: From Hooters to Frostbite: My Mom’s Epic Buffalo Bills Game Day
The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of coffee; this means that the average human gets 41 miles per gallon.
I was driving the other day and came up on a VW Beetle with a license plate reading 'BOBS MG'.
I was able to pull up beside the car at the next light, so I said to the driver, "Hey, that's not an MG."
The driver looked over at me and said, "I'm not Bob."
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
I went on a date the other night with a woman who works at a zoo.