Entertainment

So you think you're having a bad day.

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen.  The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear.  The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered.  The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.  Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.  Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.  The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home.  After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.

He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette.  After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming.  She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor.  His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and other places.  The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street.

The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.  While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself.

She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out.  He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

Now THAT is a bad day.....so SMILE!!!!!!

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"

"Two days ago."

"Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"

"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."

"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"

"He's taking every penny I make."

"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"

"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"

"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him."

Tired of being rejected for jobs - maybe this form letter will come in handy.

Dear [Interviewer's Name]:

Thank you for your letter of [Date of Interview]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [Firm's Name]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely, [Your Name]

**Our experienced mother will care for your child. Fenced yards, meals and smacks included.

**Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

**Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion.

**We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

**For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

**Wanted: hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

**Wanted: man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.