Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, she said, "You know, Bobby, when I was a little girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and always stay like that."
Bobby looked up into her face and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
A goober wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the goober moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The goober, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!"
Our assistant pastor, an avid football fan, had to hear confessions on Saturday during an important Nebraska/Notre Dame game. When one man had finished his confession, the Father asked him, "Are you by any chance going to be around the church for awhile?"
"Yes, Father," answered the man, "I'm painting the church, and I'll be here all afternoon."
"Would you mind, then," the priest asked, "coming back in now and then and keeping me posted on the game?"
"Sure thing."
Later, the priest slid open the confessional grille and heard, "Father my last confession was fifteen minutes ago. Since then I ain't done nothing and neither has Notre Dame."
Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containters:
1. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2. Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a goober.
3. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-girlfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
6. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
7. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
8. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
9. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
10. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
It was a formal banquet. The minister had just finished saying grace when a waiter spilled a bowl of steaming soup into his lap.
The clergyman silently sizzled, then said in anguished tones, "Will a layman please make some appropriate remarks?"
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
