Oxymoron: the stain-fighting stupid person.
Entertainment
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One Sunday morning, a mother knocks on her son's bedroom door and tells him it's time to get up and go to church.
"I'm not going to church this morning," the son says.
"You gotta get up and go to church," says mother.
"No, I'm not," says the son.
"Yes, you are!" says the mother.
"No, I'm not. They don't like me and I don't like them," says the son. "Give me two good reasons why I have to go."
So the mother patiently replies, "Number one, you're 55 years old. And number two, you're the pastor!"
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Self-Annihilating Sentences
You have the distinction of being the only one who is not exceptional.
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.
"Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
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Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie. So I rented him a tuxedo."
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