Quotes

"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain

"Never let your sense of morals keep you from doing what is right."

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." - Paula Poundstone

"If you woke up breathing, congratulations - you have another chance!"