December 2006 - Monthly Archive

22 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4607

Queen Size

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Q... read more..

22 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3295

A Hi-Tech Litmus Test

This morning, on the church newsletter were these instructions:Hold this paper close to your nose and blow hard into the paper.If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor.If it turns blue, see ... read more..

Beware The Ides Of April ? The Tax Man Cometh

21 Apr

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

4004

Beware The Ides Of April ? The Tax Man Cometh

This year curiously enough, Easter and Income Tax Day came the same weekend. One represents a cross borne for our sins and the other represents a cross we continue to bear for someone else’s sin... read more..

21 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

8903

Ungrateful Son-In-Law

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care... read more..

21 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3275

Away Messages

When you are out of the office, here are some away messages to use:1. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in y... read more..

20 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4224

Call To Mom

A man called his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." ... read more..

20 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2759

The Batchelor

I realized that my six-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a cousin's wedding.As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the synago... read more..

20 Apr

Dr. Harold McNabb

4751

Into Your Hands

The last words we hear Jesus speak from the cross are "It is finished. Into your hands I commit my spirit." And he gave up his spirit and died.Jesus had been able to say that the work God ha... read more..

19 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3925

School Daze

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I kno... read more..

19 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3160

Funeral Music

At our local crematorium families are given the chance to chose the music CD they would like to enter the service to.One family asked to enter to, "Love me Tender."Well the day of the funeral arrived ... read more..

18 Apr

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

4128

Getting Ready

It seems the word anticipation is an appropriate one for this time of year. The snow is melting rapidly and the bushes are showing that faint red tint that tells us life is pouring back into them afte... read more..

18 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

6424

Remember The Elderly

The following is a letter received by a pastor from an 86 year old lady. The lady wrote.... Dear Pastor, Don't ever forget about us old folks. We are worth a fortune. We have Silver in... read more..

18 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3211

Patio Problem

My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.He stacked the blocks agains... read more..

17 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4007

What Mom Really Wants

Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want for Mother's Day 10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any "floaties" (ie, backwash) 9. To have my 14 year-old da... read more..

17 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2714

Interpreting Hotel Brochures

Old world charm ............. No bathTropical .................... RainyMajestic setting ............ A long way from townOptions galore .............. Nothing is included in the itinerarySecluded hid... read more..

16 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3834

Golfing Seniors

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went." "But you're seventy-five years old, J read more..

15 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4361

The Difference Between Men and Women

This is a Dave Barry item. Do not use in your book.********** Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pr... read more..

15 Apr

Hall of Flames

Pastor Tim

7754

Top Step To Hell

In response to this item on the PearlyGates list: If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service,"DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. T... read more..

15 Apr

Hall of Flames

Pastor Tim

7576

I Hate Jesus

Brenden wrote: "Look man I hate Jesus Christ. He is a f***ing g*y b***ard and I never liked him so send me no more emails about the b***ard." Pastor Tim replied: "Really? When did you meet him and ... read more..

14 Apr

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

3947

Abridged Version

I just showed a video to my grade four class called The Easter Story. It was a cartoon version, abridged and modified for a young audience. I almost showed them a clip from the Jesus video which is mu... read more..

14 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4116

What Am I?

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, an... read more..

14 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2537

Expecting

"How does Jamie like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan."Oh, she's not pregnant," Ryan replied, "she's expecting.""What's the difference?" Danny pressed."Well, Ryan explained, "She's expecti read more..

13 Apr

Peggie's Den

Peggie Bohanon

4612

T.G.I.F. (Easter version)

"T.G.I.F.," under normal circumstances, means "Thank God, it's Friday!" - we smile, relax and look forward to a much-needed weekend break. Well, today is Friday, but it is no & read more..

13 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4215

Dough Boy Drive By

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (really from the Associated Press) Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.Several people notic... read more..

12 Apr

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

3946

It Was Lights Out At The Old Ballgame

Someone yelling, "Let’s play ball," officially announces spring. Springtime and baseball seem to go together, as if God created springtime just for the national pastime.Something about... read more..

12 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

9393

Jonah Test

A little girl was observed by her pastor standing outside the pre-school Sunday School classroom between Sunday School and worship, waiting for her parents to come and pick her up for "big church." Th... read more..

12 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5068

Q & A

Q. Why did Freud cross the road?A. Hmm, and when did you first notice this interest in roads?... read more..

What in the world was Jesus thinking about!?

11 Apr

Dr. Harold McNabb

5282

What in the world was Jesus thinking about!?

The next day the great crowd that had come for the Feast heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting, “Hosanna! Blessed is he w... read more..

11 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4286

Read Carefully

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the bab... read more..

11 Apr

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

9800

Free Will

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at e... read more..