October 2004 - Monthly Archive

21 Oct

Barb's Mantle

Barbara Sanders

3838

The "Front" Door

I've wanted to change the front door to my home for years. We put in a double door on our front porch, but have been discussing getting a single door with highlights. I need the 'light' in... read more..

21 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3082

Tag Fad

My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started."Weeks later, as the st... read more..

20 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4403

Actual Signs

Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time you will be unbearable."Leipzig elevator - "Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit u... read more..

Great Accomplishments And a Ticket into Heaven

20 Oct

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

3532

Great Accomplishments And a Ticket into Heaven

My daughter recently worked on a school project and as usual when that is going on, I became aware of the subject. She was using my computer to access information online and then rented a video to tak... read more..

20 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

12960

Speeding Hymns

If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me"at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah"at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee"at 75 mph.... "Neare... read more..

19 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4494

Caught Sleeping

Just in case your boss catches you asleep at your desk, be ready to blurt out one of these excuses.*********************************They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.This is just a... read more..

19 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4014

Appendix Worry

Old Jacob Johnson, raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was appendicitis. Mrs. Johnson explained that the appendix is on the right."So, aha! THAT's why it hurts to much... read more..

18 Oct

Dr. Harold McNabb

3332

Persistent in the Pursuit of Justice

Luke 18:1-8When I was doing marriage and family counseling I would often have a husband or wife--most often a husband--who would walk in visibly angry at the first visit. I always found that stimulati... read more..

18 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

8810

Principal Rounds

It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seeme... read more..

Of Course It's Raining, I Just Washed My Car

17 Oct

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

7371

Of Course It's Raining, I Just Washed My Car

Nobody can say I didn't warn the Mistress of the Parsonage, for all the good my warning did. And, I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but, "I told you so." I swear, at times I think my wife thinks ... read more..

17 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4572

More Musings

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.If you can't convince them, confuse them.Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!I couldn't repa... read more..

17 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3187

Football Sleep

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning."It's twenty to seven," she called."In who's favor?... read more..

16 Oct

Melva's Devotions

Melva Cooper

3888

River Of Life

"And the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God."Rev. 22:1 (NLT)Fall, in all its glorious opulence, is what we experienced read more..

16 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3196

Buying Shoes

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk."Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at ... read more..

Five Things You Do Not Want to Hear when Calling Tech Support

15 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4180

Five Things You Do Not Want to Hear when Calling Tech Support

1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"2. In layman's term, we call that the "Hindenburg Effect."3. "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife read more..

The Three Conjunctions of Life - If, And, But

15 Oct

Barb's Mantle

Barbara Sanders

3589

The Three Conjunctions of Life - If, And, But

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their read more..

15 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2824

Vacation Term Translation

*Vacation Term Translation*In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo...Old world charm = No bathTropical = RainyMajestic setting read more..

14 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

11405

How To Give Your Cat A Pill

I. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.... read more..

14 Oct

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

3350

Filling In The Blank

"He/she was born to ........" (fill in the blank with the appropriate words). It might be any number of things ? run, sing, play hockey, write poetry, act on a stage, administer a large comp read more..

14 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3343

Wig Eye Witness

While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.The doctor cam... read more..

13 Oct

Peggie's Den

Peggie Bohanon

4141

The Leaping Lame Man...and Me!

A LEAPING lame man? That doesn't make sense--lame people don't LEAP....and I should know. I'm currently battling an alleged case of bursitis near the left knee--and I don't leap. Limp? I do that well!... read more..

13 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5125

Goober Job Interview

An goober goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"The goober counts carefully on her fingers f... read more..

13 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3738

Cow Horns

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city on field trip to the country.The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, read more..

13 Oct

Ask Pastor Tim

Pastor Tim

7661

Stereotypical Attack On Jews

In response to the following joke (Telegram Scare):Schwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry, had just suffered through their worst season ever. Eight thousand madras sports coats were ha... read more..

Hurricanes Have Gone But Political Winds Are Blowing"

12 Oct

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

3722

Hurricanes Have Gone But Political Winds Are Blowing"

Within the last six weeks, that gusty quartet comprised of Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne has lustily serenaded Florida. A repeat performance is not in the foreseeable forecast - I hope.It is not t... read more..

12 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4777

Materialistic Or What?

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely to... read more..

12 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2861

Voting Tips

A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner...One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Becaus... read more..

11 Oct

Dr. Harold McNabb

3191

Thanksgiving Sets Us Free

A South African man surprised nine men robbing his home. Eight of the robbers ran away, but the homeowner managed to shove one into his backyard pool. After realizing the robber couldn't swim, the hom... read more..

11 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4625

Technical Terms for the Strictly Amish

Log on: making a wood stove hotterLog off: don't add no more woodMonitor: keeping an eye on the wood stoveDownload: gettin the farwood off the truckMega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood... read more..

11 Oct

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2910

Next Pastor

Rev. Jones shocked the congregation when he announced his resignation from the church and planned move to Arizona...After the service a very distraught Mrs. Williams came to the pastor with tears in h... read more..